My Buddy Swifty   By SirWilho   Everyone needs a friend like my buddy Swifty.  I am very fortunate to have people like him in my life.  Swifty has the ability to take away the intermittent sting of reality by simply being in his presence. If I was to describe his demeanor, it would be […]

The Long Drive   by SirWilho   No way could I possibly hit the golf ball 900 yards so I laid into it with the mightiest of swings.  A cleaner hit was impossible and this ball went screaming to the man near the hole, his ice fishing hole. The hypnotic jigging of his pole was […]

“Honestly, if you call me that one more flippin’ time, I am going to rip your lips off,” says the red faced, blood boiling me.

Must be fair time again… Silver boys need money,said the neighbor, and she was right. Brother Gump, Brother Bishop and I worked for $1 an hour picking rocks in their garden to attain the goal of $20 for spending money at the 4 day long fair event.

Must haves’ at the fair included: Caramel apple w/nuts; Karney nachos; day long carnival ride wrist band ($5, Friday only); and loose change for rigged games. Thinking back on eating the caramel apple I wonder how many fillings I lost due to their extracting powers and the bugger of a time I had trying to eat the apple without having either of my two top and bottom teeth.

When I was a mere boy in 6th grade, we could join a Pop-Warner football team and I thought this would be a great start to my future career in the NFL, too bad a traumatic life event was about to unfold. All was good, my buddies were on the roster, smack talk was already going on and in my mind the season would be filled with highlights of my talent. Bad news hit when I learned we had to have a physical. “Physical?” I asked my older brother Gump, “Yep, they grab your balls, make you turn your head and cough,” says he. “Why they wanna grab my balls?” says me. “I dunno,” was his well-educated response. Now I’m nervous, real nervous, all kinds of thoughts run through my brainpan. What if I have to be naked in front of all the other kids? What about the guy doing the probing? What if he chuckles prior to? I almost drive myself insane with these thoughts of inadequacy and there’s no way I’m going to talk about my FEELINGS to my older brothers, right, like that would help.